MSN Music Blog: Dancing About Architecture

My conversion to the joys of Radio 2 prompted several users to welcome me to the fold and even recommend particular DJs and shows. It's all rather cosy, isn't it? I think I might have to watch a cheap, exploitative documentary about obese kids to redress the balance.

Speaking of balance, by far the most popular subject of last month's mailbag was Eurovision. In a nutshell, you think it's gone beyond a joke, it's all political, and we shouldn't bother entering in future.

Oh, and with depressing inevitability, some of you took the chance to air some pretty unsavoury views on immigration. 

This about sums up the general consensus:

"The eurovision has always been more about whos whos friend than anything to do with a song competision ,but that  was ok it was fun and nobody took it to serious, but this year their was something dark about  the voting infact the whole event , it wasnt the fact no -one like the UK song that troubled me but the feeling we  the UK were not welcome or  any other country from west europe to the eastern european party.
Even Terry could not hide that the fun had gone and replaced with a clear message ,the west is not welcome."

One user came up with a possible solution:

"If GB are to stand any chance of winning ever again then we should do what Yugoslavia and Russia did and split into smaller states, i.e. England, Scotland, N.Ireland, Wales, Eire, Isle of Man, Isle of Wight, Scilly Isles, Channel Isles, Lundy Island, etc. where we can all vote for our immediate neighbours and watch the others sweat as we become a Euro Song Contest superpower once again, lol."

If you needed any further proof that the whole shebang is past its sell-by date, surely this was it:

"terry wogan made it worthwhile with his rightul opinions and predictions but as a fifteen year old, my time would have been better spent revisin!!!"

Lastly, just to clear up any confusion, I didn't actually write the Eurovision blog entry. If you look again, you will see that it's signed Tom Townshend. I wouldn't ordinarily point this out, seeing as I am quite comfortable taking the credit for other people's work. However, this last piece of feedback forced my hand:

"Just wondering if you knew that the girl singing for Albania is actually 16 years old. So your comments are quite pervy. Bye."

2008 is the year several rock and pop legends reach their 50th birthday - Michael Jackson, Prince, and Madonna being the most high profile.

It's obvious to even the casual observer that they've all spent unusually large amounts of time and money on their appearance over the years.

The results have been less than flattering. Prince looks the best of the three. He's well groomed and trim but you've got to wonder what he looks like underneath the mountain of slap he habitually wears.

Madonna's addiction to the gym has wrought havoc on her arms in recent years, while the less said about Michael Jackson the better.

It's enough to make you wonder if it's worth the pain and sacrifice, particularly when you consider the example of another musician who has just recently reached the half century mark.

I saw Paul Weller play a superb gig at the indigo2 last week and not only was he in fine voice, he looked great too. I don't know if he works out (I doubt it) or watches what he eats (probably, up to a point) but I do know he likes a drink and a cigarette.

More importantly, he appears not to be in denial about his age. Yes, he still clearly takes an active interest in clothes and his hair obviously requires a bit of maintenance but this seems to me to be the right side of vanity.

Beyond that he appears comfortable in his own aging skin.

Paul Weller reached his 50th the Sunday before last. I wasn't there but I bet his birthday celebrations were a damn sight more fun than those of his fellow celebrity half centurions.

For the third time this year, I am cat-sitting for a friend in Brixton. I don't get anything out of it other than a week's worth of pretending I live somewhere bigger than a shoebox. This is fine by me.

Anyway, maybe I'm doing something wrong but I can't get the telly to work. Well, I can just about get a picture but it's so bad that I've decided to give up and listen to the radio instead.

I've never been a big radio listener - just never got into the habit, I suppose - so it's a bit of a voyage of discovery for me. And this is what I have discovered:

• at some point in the last few years, and without me knowing anything about it, I have become a Radio 2 target audience member
• Terry Wogan is actually quite brilliant in the mornings
• Mark Radcliffe (who I last listened to in the mid-1990s when he had the evening slot on Radio 1) has turned into the late John Peel - stuttering delivery, eccentric rambling, the works
• all of the above are strangely reassuring

I recently attended the opening night of Let It Bleed, an exhibition of photographs by a guy called Ethan Russell documenting The Rolling Stones' 1969 tour of the USA.

I'm not usually an art gallery type of guy but I was properly excited about this. You see, the thing is, whether The Stones are better than The Beatles or Led Zeppelin or whoever is  always up for debate (even in my own mind), but what this exhibition proves beyond question is that, for a few years at least, they were the coolest looking band ever to walk the face of the Earth.

What is interesting about this exhibition beyond the beautiful photographs themselves is that it captures the exact moment at which pop became rock. The '69 tour was the first time in three years that The Stones had taken their show on the road, during which time audiences had stopped screaming and started, you know, actually listening.

Technology had moved on in leaps and bounds in the meantime too, so where they had previously been at the mercy of a venue's (usually crappy) in-house sound system, they were now able to transport their own highly sophisticated set-up from city to city.

In short, in 1969 The Rolling Stones invented the modern rock tour.

Not many bands survived the transition. In fact, in terms of groups whose popularity was already established by 1966, perhaps only The Who pulled off the same evolution into a major touring band of the 1970s.

Anyway, I'm getting all rock historian here. Regardless of whether you give a monkey's about any of this stuff (and if not, thank you for still reading), Let It Bleed contains some of the most breathtakingly cool rock and roll photographs you will ever see.

Well, I think so anyway.

Let It Bleed runs until July 20 at London's Proud Gallery

17:01

Just three hours to go until 600 million people with nothing better to do on a Saturday night sit down to watch the 53rd annual Eurovision Song Contest, live from Belgrade in Serbia. We're just one of those 600 million (that does sound rather high doesn't it? Do you think they included pets in the head count?) but we're going to be sitting down and watching it too. And then we'll be writing about it here. We imagine the novelty will wear off by the end, but we'll persevere - a bit like the competition itself.

Until then, we're going to be amusing ourselves by watching obscure (and not at all funny) Bill Murray film The Man Who Knew Too Little, chiefly because it's got the divine Joanne Whalley in it (though long past her best), and possibly eating Coco Pops straight out of the box. You may do as you please. Be back here at 8pm.

Read more on Eurovision (and even download a free Andy Abraham podcast) here

19:59

And we're off! And we've begun with an apology by the BBC for stealing your money from phone votes that weren't counted, in previous years. Cuh! Who can you trust these days?

The title sequence involves blue and red paint and some singing people covered in blue and red paint, the significance of which will, no doubt, become clear.

Last year's winner, the beautiful Marija Šerifović has kicked off proceedings with what appears to be a lesbian wedding-based routine. And to think it was only a few years ago when the world was outraged by taTu having a bit of a kiss. How times change. Her dancers are dressed half as men and half as ladies, much like we would be if this were a typical Saturday night.

20:06

We can't help thinking the stage set looks like an enlarged model of a vital bodily organ - the kind used to train medical students. Maybe it's the pumping heart of Europe (and countries who pretend to be from Europe for the purposes of this competition).

Right then, only 25 songs to go. Oh.

Romania started all popera-ish and dull but has suddenly gone slightly mental with a screeching lady added. We're not sure 'slightly mental' is the affect they were after, but it's the one they've got. It's like a duet between Paul Potts and Jane MacDonald. Appalling.

20:14

Crikey, it's Andy 'bin man' Abraham representing Great Britain already. We haven't even hung our Union Jacks out (to be honest we're juggling with a vegetarian nut cutlet and some microwave mash).

Andy has an attractive lady on stage with him pretending to play guitar. Take that, feminism. Give him his due though, he's performing his ruddy heart out up there on the big bodily organ (the kidney of world peace?) Pretty much a faultless performance. What a shame everyone hates us, otherwise he might win.

20:18

Albania - we're in love. Who cares about things like singing in tune when you look like that. We bet she's got nothing on under that sailor's jacket too. Cor! We're gonna have to get the old video recorder out of the loft just to tape all the bits of her smiling and waving during the voting.

20:21

Germany have provided four women who can't sing, and go by the name of No Angels. One of them has very frightening hair.

No matter how supportive you'd want to be, if you were their parents, you'd have to say, "Sorry dear, that was complete rubbish. Don't do it again. For pity's sake, what were you thinking? If your grandma were still alive she'd weep with shame. And don't even think about coming home for Christmas," because you have to be cruel to be kind.

Armenia is going for the slightly Eastern tinged pop belter that normally does well at this thing. It's spoilt somewhat by some men crawling about on the stage (the gall bladder of hope?). Still, it took our minds off our problems for a few moments, and that's what music's for.

20:29

Aha! The first deliberately nuts entry, thanks to Bosnia & Herzegovina. No idea what all the washing line business or the brides are all about but Pokušaj is actually a brilliant track. Not that we ever want to hear it again, mind. But, you know, well done Laka.

Did the outside broadcast link woman just say: "We are all hos?" That's what it sounded like to us.

So Israel's entry, The Fire In Your Eyes is written by previous winner Dana International (little known fact - she used to be a man. I know, amazing!)

We hadn't looked at the TV while typing this and thought, from the tone of the voice, this was being sung by a lady. It isn't, it's actually quite a manly man. Isn't modern life confusing?

This is probably going to win isn't it? It's got everything going for it - strong, emotional, classy... What do you reckon? No, actually it probably isn't going to win (and I haven't just added this bit once I found out Russia did).

20:39

In an effort to repeat the success of Lordi, Finland serve up some unreconstructed 80s heavy metal. Let's hope, for their sake, the judges are all spotty fifteen year old boys wearing too much denim. Actually, we should be careful what we say. We once gave Iron Maiden a bad review and had death threats. Whereas, curiously, no one ever seems to mind when we have a go at Matchbox Twenty.

Croatia give us all that annual dilemma of figuring out whether this sort of perky, polka-ish pop is actually rubbish or if it's just that our ears aren't adjusted to the subtleties contained within. You know how, when you go on holiday, you start off thinking the favourite local band is utterly naff and by the end of the week you're their biggest fan, you've bought every album and have the singer's phone number written on your chest in biro? Oh, just us then.

The lady from Poland just got an ovation for squawking like a crow.

20:52

Iceland's brilliantly named Euroband seem to be a sexed up version of Same Difference. Actually no, that's a horrible thought. Horrible, really really horrible. Stop thinking it. Stop thinking it now.

Who is this now? It's Turkey. Have you ever wondered what happened to The Bravery? I think we've found them...

Hang on, this nut cutlet isn't gonna eat itself. Back in a bit.

21:06

We used to share a flat with a woman from Portugal. She became convinced that every song being played on the radio was a secret message just for her, and she once accused me of poisoning her food with salt. They're probably not all like that though.

You can see what Latvia were thinking, what with the popularity of Pirates Of the Caribbean. The reality is more like watching Peter Pan while suffering a panic attack. Frightening.

21:09

Is the woman from Sweden drunk? We've only ever seen that facial expression on drunk women. That's all we're saying.

Woo! Lasers. Like in the 80s.

Denmark's cheeky chappie, Simon Matthew, made the bold move of leaving his band on the stage (the stomach of global understanding?) while he stood on the lower intestine. Nice. This is rather good isn't it? That's a genuine question. I might just have easily lost all powers of judgement.

21:17

Georgia. The lady there is actually blind, in case you were wondering. We're full of facts us. For instance, did you know that this not entirely ugly lady representing Ukraine is also a UN Good Will Ambassador, a position also held by Geri Halliwell - so they don't just give it to anyone.

Best performance so far, even if the song was a bit of a racket. We're anybody's for a bit of mirror-based trickery.

21:22

France's Sébastien Tellier is proof, if proof were needed, that Britain should have got Jarvis Cocker to do our song. What a guy. We saw Sébastien play an amazing gig at The Big Chill festival a few years back where he invited the whole crowd back to his for an aftershow party, even though he was staying at the local Travelodge. Daft Punk produced that one you know. Marvelous.

21:29

Azerbaijan - amazing. That is actually what heaven and hell are like. At least, we really hope so.

21:32

Would you like to see a picture of my dinner? Bet you wish you lived at my house, eh? You could eat that sort of thing every night...

Mmm.

Greece are trying too hard! This is all like proper pop music. Great stage set, not-terrible dance routine, decent dress. Look, you're just spoiling it for everyone if you're going to make a track that sounds like one that people would actually buy.

21:35

So Ireland failed in their bid to have Dustin the Turkey terrorise the event with postmodernist comment, but Spain have succeeded where a rubber bird failed by delivering the sh**est thing they could think of, performed by the sort of man you move away from in bus queues.

Oh my goodness, the crowd are actually booing!

Time to crack open the pear cider. What are you having?

21:45

Sorry, we missed Serbia, looking for a bottle opener. Had to jam it in the door in the end. Were they any good?

We like to imagine the chat Russia's Dima Bilan had with his choreographer went something like this:

"So Diman, I see you on the floor. No one will know why you're there, but then you'll reach down and pick up a tiny candle - like the ones ladies put round the bath when they're feeling a bit weepy. You'll stand up and be joined by an ice skater but, and get this, he'll be dancing to completely different music to what's actually playing. And there'll be a fiddler, everyone likes a fiddler. And at the end of the song you'll all get down on the floor again, only this time... no candle. I'm welling up just thinking about it. More borscht?"

Right, I will fight anyone who says Norway's Maria wasn't absolutely brilliant. Because it was. Don't argue, you're wrong.

If only for the lyric: "Catch you off guard like bad crime."

Now let's find out just how many other countries disagree with our foreign policy and close ties with the United States of America, shall we? Excellent.

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22:08

The traditional mid-show entertainment. It's no Riverdance, is it? But then, what is? Oh Terry just said that too. I should switch him off and listen to Ken Bruce on Radio 2 instead. Some people see him as the poor man's Terry Wogan, I prefer to think of him as the rich man's Simon Mayo.

Been having a look through your comments. Most of you seem to think Ukraine will win. I'm ok with that. Some of you like Denmark, others thought it was either Chico or Chas & Dave. I bet they've never been mentioned in the same sentence before.

More importantly, Lauren says: "Koppaberg cider!! amazing!!"

And yes Lauren, it is. You have to be careful if you buy it from IKEA though, as they sell a non-alcoholic version too. And if you wanted that you could just have, like, a pear. Cuh!

Also, Danniella informed us: "I boiled my first lobster but I almost couldn't because it kept looking at me and I felt so sorry for it."

The word that lets you down there, Danniella, is "almost". Poor dead lobster.

Elsewhere, Mark says: "I will make a bet with anyone we don't get over 10 points."

Can someone please take him up on that offer? MSN will send the boys round if he doesn't pay up.

22:31

So it's between the Mickey Mouse Club pop of Greece, the emo rock of Turkey and the absurd ice skating Russians. Come on the Greeks! Has it come to this?

Back to the comments. Martin has asked: "Where the heck is Georgia?"

Well Martin, Georgia is bordered by four countries: Turkey, Russia, Armenia and Azerbaijan. It became independent of the Soviet Union in 1981. The country suffers from high unemployment but its financial situation is improving thanks to major oil and gas pipelines. You don't get this from Terry bleeding Wogan!

22:44

What has happened to the beautiful lady from Albania? Do looks count for nothing in this competition? No, I suppose they don't. If they did, Jessica Garlick would've walked it back in 2002. Ah, the lovely Jessica. How I miss her.

Ukraine are doing well, so you weren't far off with your guesses.

Back when I was at junior school I always entered the running race at sports day, and always came last - because I was very small and all the other boys had far longer legs. It was never fair. Every year I did it, every year I lost. It's comforting to see that sort of futility reflected in Great Britain's Eurovision story, too. It's not the winning that counts but what you blame your loss on.

I'd feel sorry for Andy Abraham if I hadn't wanted Michelle Gayle to win.

The woman from the Czech Republic seems to have found a special strength pear cider. What is going on?

23:03

It's all getting a bit political in the comments section. Let's lighten things with a joke:

"Two fish in a tank. One turns to the other and says, "How do you drive this thing?"

I thank you.

23:06

Why have all the judges started singing? We're all secretly in love with that Swedish fella aren't we? Did he have a stammer? Adorable.

Well, Russia have won. Obviously there are those that will say they were completely rubbish and didn't deserve it. And they'd be right.

However, it's been completely lovely spending tonight in your company. I'm off to find a shop that's still open and sells dark chocolate Kit Kats.

Goodnight.

Tom Townshend